I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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