i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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