i wish my penis had a tongue
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
