she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
