I wish I could teleport
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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