I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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