i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Send help, water and tortillas.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
