my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
