I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
