I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
