I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
