Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
