Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
