Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize