If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
