so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize