susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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