1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
