She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize