dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
