so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
