Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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