Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Everclear isn't food dammit
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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