Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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