it wasn't lemon gatorade
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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