I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
