you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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