im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
