mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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