I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
