So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
