i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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