I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Randomize
