Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
