Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
