I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
