dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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