He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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