there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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