I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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