Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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