Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
