She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
