i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
