Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
