Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
