First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
