I wish I only lived at night.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Randomize
