She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
