You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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