It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
