Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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