Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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