the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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