If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
