I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
