Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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