i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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