you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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