dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
time to smoke my breakfast
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
