I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
