Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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