bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
