I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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